Tit for tat I tick the tock on the clock.
Going back and forth to make sure I’m not who I was anymore.
The kid who had little regard for life and lived by the shore
Turned into a man now who yearns for more
But you ever feel like you don’t know who you are?
Like you got amnesia stumbling out of a bar?
Asking “what do I stand for?” for F.U.N
I don’t know anymore so I run.
Run from it all to seize the day and ease the pain away.
Run from it all I’d have to say, it’s not done magically.
See I’ll cross space and time to find myself.
Dealing with the hand I’ve been dealt.
Find the ace in my sleeve best believe the greatness I seek to achieve.
Now nothing can stop him.
Learning that one of my friends I used to go to leadership workshop died yesterday. We were pretty close. I remember when we had to play Jay-Z and Beyonce. It’s one of the fondest memories I have…I can’t believe she’s gone. We used to joke about getting Jay-Z and Beyonce rich and flying off to Vegas to get married. What’s happening to the world? She was just living 24 hours ago.
February. It would have been a year Friday. Still picking up the pieces. I thought I was over this. I guess you never get completely over it…
I had the greatest dream. Anna Kendrick was living in Virginia, and I bought her a drink,
I feel like this would be the perfect time to turn into the cold hearted, love em and leave em, player type. Then I think about that sentence in it’s entirety, I couldn’t hurt someone who did nothing to me (that being the next girl I date). I can’t stand to see someone hurt.
Everything I could ask for and i’m still not happy. What’s missing? Where do I find it? When did I lose it? Why do I feel this way?
Holy shit. Mom sees that i’m serious. I’m not gonna stay anywhere i’m not wanted. She starts with all this “all I wanted was an apology.” bullshit. The worlds tough out there speech and then she calls all of my family members to drag them into it. Because us arguing wasn’t enough. In the end. After all that preparation, she decides, okay I should stay. Finish college and whatnot. But she’s already possibly fucked up my relationship with the girl I like. And she wonders why I don’t wanna stay. She wonders why I don’t respect her. It’s because she don’t respect me. She don’t wanna compromise, I don’t wanna follow her stupid rules. I’m staying now, but I’m looking for an apartment. Sick of walking on eggshells around her. She can take that curfew and shove it too. Long story short, I’m here. For how long, (until she tries to kick me out again) who knows
She’s really kicking me out. She is actually kicking me out. I can’t believe this shit. I have NO feelings toward my mother. No words. I do not love her. She is not even my mother. There are things I’m thinking right now that you should NEVER say about your mother. I’ve come to hate her this bad. I hate what she’s become. This is sad.
Want me out of your shitty ass apartment? Fine. I hate this place anyway. Fuck you and your rules. It’s not my concern that you chose a job that you have to get up at 3 am for. So no I will not be home by 12 to appease you. Fuck you.